Sex is a gift from God, and He commands us to be fruitful and multiply (Genesis 1:28), so what makes it a sin?
Sex can be seen along the same lines as gluttony and drunkenness which makes it become a form of idolatry. Society claims that we have to be sexually compatible with our soul mates, so people put sex way up on their list of priorities when seeking their soul mate. Sex, however, should not be the capstone of a relationship, or a reward for having a good time.
Sex is a very small part of a relationship. Why base your whole relationship on how your partner makes you feel sexually when it has very little to do with the rest of the relationship? What does sexual fulfillment have to do with a relationship that is supposed to last a life time, when quite often sexual desire doesn’t even last a lifetime? Sex is also a test to illustrate your loyalty and devotion to God. If you can’t contain your lust and desires, devoting yourself to someone you see every day, then how are you going to devote yourself to God whom you have never seen?
There should be no such thing as sexual compatibility because it encourages fornication. People suddenly find it necessary to try out everyone they meet before deciding who to marry. This is why there are so many single parents out there–people need to think before they become involved sexually. Is this person you are drooling over going to be a good parent, do they have traits you would like to see in your own child? Sex should not be taken lightly; 15 minutes of pleasure could end up being a lifetime of regrets.
Once you decide on a compatible partner, your devotion should be solely toward them, no matter how you feel about anyone else. It’s called self-control, we each must learn to control our desires. (Colossians 3) Once the choice is made you should stick to it until you have learned if the relationship is a good fit for lifelong devotion. Many people have this notion that getting into a committed relationship won’t change them, but the fact is you can’t enter a serious relationship without changing, because even though you aren’t married yet, that person should be the most important person in your life and what they want should come first, it’s a good way to find out how each will react in given circumstances, a prelude to what the marriage will be like.
In a relationship, you are no longer the one making decisions, “your decision,” suddenly becomes “our decision.” It’s a joint effort on both parts, and both parties need to be considered before doing anything, and you both need to be okay with the decision made.
Once you have decided that it’s a good fit, then prepare yourself, because you will suddenly be faced with trying to meld two people into one. (Mark 10:6-9). The most important thing in a relationship is personal compatibility–is your partner strong where you’re weak? Is your partner able to realize when you have had a bad day or recognize when you need time for yourself? Are they there for you when you need them the most–do they cry when you cry, do they lift you up when you feel weak, or do they laugh and make fun of it?
You need to really think about it and decide if this person is going to support you through all the problems you will face in life, even problems that are very real to you, but perhaps seem insignificant to others.
Sex should not even be factored into the decision about who to marry because, ideally, neither of you should have been indulging in sex. It should be one of those things you work on together once you’re married. It adds life to the relationship as you learn together what you’re each comfortable with and what makes you feel uncomfortable.
Sexuality should not become a part of the relationship until you’re married and have decided that you would like to have children, because inevitably that’s what sex is all about.
Paul covers it pretty well in 1 Corinthians 7:
I say therefore to the unmarried and widows, it is good for them if they abide even as I. But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn. (1 Corinthians 7:8-9)
And in 1 Corinthians 7:37-38:
Nevertheless he that standeth stedfast in his heart, having no necessity, but hath power over his own will, and hath so decreed in his heart that he will keep his virgin, doeth well. So then he that giveth her in marriage doeth well; but he that giveth her not in marriage doeth better.
As illustrated here, there is no room in a Christian’s Life for fornication and adultery, so it’s up to us to decide whether we want to have a lifelong relationship with one person, under God, or live our lives for God alone.
As a Christian, what choice will be more beneficial for your walk?