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So It Is With Life

Completely spent, we sank into our comfort spots in the dimly lit living room.  I finally broke the silence.  “I have a feeling I’m never going to be alright again.”

“I know” my husband wearily agreed.

Early that morning I had been abruptly jolted out of a flu induced fog by a most unwelcome phone call from our twenty two year old Grandson.

My heart felt like it stopped as he wailed  “Nene, my Dad’s in the hospital.  The doctor says he won’t make it.”

In disbelief, my only immediate response was a stuporous “what?”  Then again, only louder, “WHAT?”

That began a day filled with shock, confusion, and desperate, but blunted, hope.  Our 54 year old son had experienced a sudden spike in blood pressure (cause unknown) causing bleeding around both sides of his brain.  Thankfully, he was never aware of his condition or suffered any pain.  He didn’t regain consciousness.

Just a little over six months ago, we lost our beloved only son and entered into the wrenching grief process.  Gathered together at his memorial service were his shattered loved ones,  friends, and co-workers who came to honor him and us.  It was an upbeat atmosphere at the church he loved with his favorite music playing and videos that captured the many endearing facets of who he was.  There were the usual beautifully arranged flowers that he would have so loved and many tributes to his character and winning personality.  Then it was over.

Next came the genesis of the long, painful process of acceptance, of letting go.  You hear the clichés … “Let go and let God”, “One day at a time”, “God will never give you more than you can handle”.  All well meaning, all intended to comfort, nevertheless empty of any deep  consolation.  He is gone and he is never coming back in this lifetime.  Yes, we know he is with God because he was a believer.  He loved Jesus and went so far as to get a tattoo of Philippians 4:13 “I can do all things through Christ Who gives me the strength” to glorify his Lord.  Still …. We will never get to see his smiling (or scowling) face walking through our door again, or meet with him for dinner at his favorite Mexican restaurant.  His son is way too young to lose his dad.  And there is something dreadfully wrong with a parent having to lose a child.  It’s grimly unnatural.

But then, what is natural about death to begin with?  It’s the final release of our soul, our spirit back to our Creator.  For those of us who have the assurance of eternal life with Him, it is bittersweet.  We know our beloved is “in a better place” as we express it.  We have the assurance we will see him or her again when our own life on earth is over.  Yet, we mourn.  We yearn terribly for those moments that are now only fading memories.

We wake up, live out our day and eventually, incredibly, we even catch ourselves laughing again.  We go to work, pay our bills, invite company over, play golf, watch movies and, through it all, we walk with an invisible, terribly missed companion by our side.

In the middle of a conversation, for no apparent reason, I can feel hot tears welling up behind my eyelids.  What happened?  A word?  A sound?  A sight or scent?  Something has just reminded me of him.  Right now, writing this story, I am experiencing that very emotion.  But then, I look at the clock.  Ten more minutes and I have to start getting ready to go to work.  It’s time to do it again.  Release it.  Give it to God.  He belongs to Him anyway.  He was His long before even I had a beginning.  It was his heavenly Father who “knitted his bones together in my womb (Psalm 139:13).

So it is with life.  From the very start, at the instant of birth, we release a cry that is to be repeated over and over again throughout our brief years on earth.  And like Job, we say, “Naked came I out of my mother’s womb, and naked shall I return thither:  the Lord gave, and the Lord hath taken away;  blessed be the name of the Lord (Job 1:21).”

About Janene B

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  1. Dear Janene,

    First off, may I preface by offering my sincere and heartfelt condolences for losing your beloved son, so unexpectedly. Sorry for his children and his wife. This was powerfully moving in every word, and palpable in emotions. So sorry.

    Thank you for sharing your story with us and staying true to the LORD irrespective of your circumstances, you undoubtedly will be a witness to many as your story will resonate throughout those reading this.

    I pray the promise that you will see him again one day will offer some semblance of peace knowing when you meet your son again and you’ll never have to say “goodbye” again.

    May God continue to offer His comfort and guidance to you and your family.

    God Bless You~

    • My heartfelt thanks for your kind words. Yes, we do certainly have that promise of God to cling to and we do. Unlike those “who have no hope” (1 Thessalonians 4:13-17) we diligently thank Him and share our testimony with others every chance we get. ( :

  2. Thanks for sharing your honest heart. And welcome to our writing family.

  3. I personally haven’t experienced this great challenge you are facing on a daily basis and this has been a desperate time for your family. But praise the Lord because of Christ it isn’t a defeated conclusion as He has conquered death on our behalf. It’s necessary to carry that living hope within us knowing that those who put their trust in the Savior is in His presence upon their death.
    For those outside of Christ that go to the grave, they are the ones we mourn especially for as their fate is sealed with horrifying consequences.
    For the believers it is as Psalm 23 states; as our death is only a shadow and we can apply this verse whether we are here or passing into glory. His rod and staff brings comfort.
    We are aware of Christ weeping when Lazarus died. My understanding is that his weeping was more for those whose hearts were broken by his death. He had spoken to His disciples that they were going to awaken Lazarus from his sleep.
    Notice that the disciples said that it was a good thing that he was sleeping but Christ stated that he had died.
    Through our grief His Words console our hearts and soothes our minds
    It is a testimony of our faith to our children and grandchildren that makes a lasting impact.
    Try to focus on what you can do for others and for Jesus in the time you have left.to serve Him. This can bring you the joy you want again than the thought of never feeling right again.
    God be your strength and through the rest of your journey, until you make it home in heaven.

    We can wrap ourselves in a cocoon of sorrow
    Not wanting to face another tomorrow

    But we can choose to sing, to our King
    As our offering, for the Hope He brings
    While hidden in the shadow of His wings.

    And something new will dawn
    The gloom will soon be gone
    And no more despair
    As you are flying through the air
    Where you meet your loved ones that are in His care.

    • Thank you Cora for your caring comments. Yes, actually our son passed away 5 1/2 years ago and I am sharing this story still in the hope it will bring comfort to someone else whose grief may be fresh and needing to know someone else can relate. We are living our lives, hosting Bible studies, and being an active part of our grandson’s life who lost his dad at such a young age. We need to continue to encourage others the best we can don’t we? To let them know there is still such a brilliant hope ahead.

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