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No! You Are Not To Blame!

Psalm 18:3– I will call upon the LORD, who is worthy to be praised: so shall I be saved from mine enemies.

I recently spoke with a young woman (doesn’t wish to have her name divulged) who survived an abusive relationship that had been ongoing for 7 long years.  Her spouse from the moment they said “I do” physically and repeatedly abused her. She offered these words to try and explain the situation.

“I felt I was nothing. Not worthy, and somehow, I was being punished for being a rotten person. I felt non-human. I don’t know what else to say about it. I tried to walk quiet in the house, and please him, because if I made a mistake, I’d pay big time. So, I just kept hoping he’d change and he would love me if I was good. But it never happened…”

Escaping the cycle and being in an abusive and controlling environment obviously is frightening, and overwhelmingly traumatic. This type of situation can lead to tragic endings, but a great majority of them do extricate themselves eventually. However not without visible and invisible scars that will be with them for their lifetime. They need help and from a higher power. One that can see all and One that can deliver them, spiritually…and physically as well. But not all are faith driven.

Psalm 18:6  In my distress I called upon the LORD, and cried unto my God: he heard my voice out of his temple, and my cry came before him, even into his ears.

A woman who is the victim of violent individual can be hard pressed as to which direction to go. What can she do? Where can she run? A plague of unsettling thoughts surface, where they will begin to think “they are at fault” for the reactions and behavior of their partner. They start mulling over in their heads, “Maybe if I had supper on time, he wouldn’t have punched me.” Or- “I shouldn’t have answered him back, that made him mad.”

Trying to make sense or justify the reason for staying or being attracted to “an individual who is violent and abusive” is a mind game for the person enduring the torture. Being hurt by someone you love is bewildering and painful, and a common reaction to it is uncertainty in trying to figure out why they are being hit, abused and used.  And not knowing where to go or how to survive elsewhere. Their bodies and mind are decaying with pain and a gnawing nightmare that keeps biting them inside and out.

Thankfully a lot of these women find their way out of these horrific circumstances. They start to see reality and choose growth and love over all else. They may slowly start to see that the words of “I’m sorry I love you” are lies spewing from the mouth of dead lips. And something will trigger inside of them as they shout in their head, “I’m worth more than this!” When they start to understand that they aren’t the problem, and they can regain control of their lives, that is when they will spring to life and escape. This may take years. And some sadly might not make it out, and will suffer a painful demise.

Psalm 18:2  The LORD is my rock, and my fortress, and my deliverer; my God, my strength, in whom I will trust; my buckler, and the horn of my salvation, and my high tower.

Many victims become isolated from family and friends through the manipulations of the perpetrator. When these individuals reconnected with the people in their lives who love and support them, they often will get the strength and the ability to leave.

A great amount cited spiritual and religious supports systems for their escape and bravery for leaving. These ladies of courage turned to God and accepted Jesus. One young woman, (a daughter of a former employee who shall remain anonymous) felt nudged from God when the abuser held a gun to her head, while her two young children nearby watched. She felt the Spirit of God and heard a voice in her head, “don’t be afraid, I’m with you.”  She left the next day! She knew God’s plans were better, safe and secure. She had been a believer all her life. Her abuser took away her bible when she married him. And stopped her from attending church and seeing her family. Well, God’s voice and grace came just in time! Who knows what may have happened had she not left. The father was arrested and is serving time for reckless endangerment of children, contempt charges, and illegal possession of a firearm, assault and battery, and attempted murder charges- I think that’s just a few, so thankfully he is locked away from this young woman who is now living with a “new name” in a different part of the country.

Psalm 18:4– The sorrows of death compassed me, and the floods of ungodly men made me afraid.

The courage it took for her to leave was miraculous and spontaneous. Not everyone will “hear” God’s voice. Some will linger for a long time, some will die in that situation, and others will learn to live in the manner of which they acquired.

Psalm 18:3 I will call upon the LORD, who is worthy to be praised: so shall I be saved from mine enemies.

There is help for ‘battered women and children’ and there are centers and churches that will help with a safe plan of exit. If you know of anyone who is in trouble or suspect they’re in an abusive relationship reach out to them and tell them there are social workers that can get them to safety. Give them a card of a professional in this field, as they won’t usually have access to that kind of info. Reach out to your local church, or social services in your town, city or state. And tell them what you suspect or might know. You can remain “anonymous” if you’d like. The important thing is to just reach out and try to help these frightened battered individuals and children.

Psalm 18:48 He delivereth me from mine enemies: yea, thou liftest me up above those that rise up against me: thou hast delivered me from the violent man.

“Dear Father, I lift up in prayer those in violent circumstances, and abuse to be led to the right path, to have stewards guide them in Your name for help, I pray their deliverance from such pain and evil, and I pray Your light shines into their darkness, and offers them a way out, in Jesus’ name, Amen.”

National Domestic Violence Hotline 

1-800-787-3224 (TTY)


C D SWANSON is an Author of 22 plus books, freelance writer, contributor to various websites, including The Bottom Line Ministries/Faith News. She's an active member of Faithwriters- and has her online website/ministry for over 15 years. It is her greatest joy to write what’s in her heart, and thus her favorite form of expression is in her devotionals. She and her husband share a deep love of God and dote on their fur baby Mickey. Retired Director from Long Term Healthcare Industry, she continues to be an advocate for many. To check out other writings of this author you can go here:

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  1. Selfishness breeds a multitude of sins that not only affect them but is a destructive force in the lives of those that become involved with such individuals. These individuals are enslaved without even understanding that the devil has ensnared their lives and is using them for self-destruction and that of others who are connected with them in a relationship. They pattern their lives after their father, the devil, who comes to steal, kill, and destroy others but they are also condemning themselves in the process for they lack understanding just as Adam and Eve exhibited.
    We read in the Bible that the devil will eventually be tormented forever in the lake of fire prepared for him and the demons who followed him in their rebellion against God.
    Unfortunately, the victims are actually fooled into blaming themselves so these cruel people take advantage of this and run rampant over them as though they are at fault. To think that they feel superior and need to have their own way even if it demeans and abuses others doesn’t seem to bother them. Their victims are brought low and confused by such tongue slashing to keep them in check and under their thumbs.
    In my mind, they are lovers of themselves as the scriptures talk about. They just use people to their own advantages.
    I hope and pray that these victims will come to see clearly that they need to take a good look at the truth in front of them as observable data displaying the ugly behaviors of the one committing these atrocities and put the blame where it belongs instead of believing it to be their fault. It should be a game changer and can strengthen them to become free to do what is necessary to be able to get out from under these horrible incidents in these relationships.
    It may not be easy but with the Lord as their help, they can find that strength to do what it takes to become whole again. May their relationship with God be what matters most than anything and anyone that would try to ever take His place.

    • Cora,

      Thank you for your compelling and moving thoughts that bear significance and depth of knowledge about our Father and His Word, with the unfolding of the “enemy” who seeks to destroy in every facet of our lives. You are right on and added a whirlwind of wisdom into the article in which I’ve posted.

      So appreciate your comments, as I always have said, it is so welcomed. You are a special gem.

      God Bless~

  2. Thank you for your very important message. I hope there are many abused women who will read this. It demands that we as Christians who are not personally involved in that type situation, to pray for, love and show compassion to these suffering ones and give practical assistance where possible. Great message.

    • Hello Dale,

      Thank you so much for taking time to read and comment. I appreciate your acknowledgment of this post and the “important” elements and magnitude of this issue. Clearly, it’s a topic that although discussed, it really needs a lot more attention because so many are in this predicament. It’s a story that needs to be told, and as you’ve said, I pray that those affected and afflicted by this horrific situation will read this, and God will touch their hearts and give them strength to “pack up and leave.”

      God Bless you Dale~

  3. thanks for writing on this essential subject

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