This world has taken the order that God created and skewed it so that everything is out of whack.
“ … the creation was subjected to frustration, not by its own choice, but by the will of the one who subjected it, in hope that the creation itself will be liberated from its bondage to decay and brought into the freedom and glory of the children of God. We know that the whole creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time.” Romans 8:20-22 (NIV)
The destruction of the family in its traditional, God-breathed form is under constant attack, for the strength of the family is necessary for the health of our society. Satan is part of the problem, but other factors are at work as well. Matthew Henry’s Concise Commentary opines that men and women in their natural state, as designed by God, would behave naturally in the ways they so fiercely struggle against now. Men would “rule with wisdom and love,” and women would obey with “humility and meekness.” It is an interesting concept. It certainly would do away with much of the struggles in a marriage relationship.
So, the women don’t want to defer, the men want to rule with an iron fist, what else is out of whack? Plenty, but another glaring problem is women putting the children before her spouse. Yes, the children need a lot of her attention, especially when they are young. But let’s go beyond that.
Once the kids are older, into the teenage years and beyond, the Mom’s relationship with the children begins to develop and change from a vertical one, where kids look up to Mom for many of their needs, to a horizontal one, where the relationship morphs into a companionable one. This will more often be with daughters.
A closer relationship in itself is not a bad thing, but care must be taken to ensure that the relationship is kept in its proper place. Allow me to explain. My life is where my stories usually come from since nearly anything that happens to us God can use as an object lesson.
My husband was out of town for his job. My daughter had just returned to her adopted hometown for grad school. My daughter and I are close and when she is home we spend a lot of time together, so when she goes back I really miss her. So one evening she and I were texting each other and talking about how much we miss each other and I was talking about going to visit.
The more we texted, the more I missed her; then I remembered something she did during her freshman year of college. Her dad would complain that we never heard from her, and she explained that she was trying to keep school and home separate by not coming home on the weekends or calling, texting or emailing a lot to keep her from getting homesick. So I decided to adopt that here, and stop texting her so much and thinking about wanting to see her.
Then the Lord brought to my mind that my husband was out of town and I was not pining over him as much as her, but I should be yearning to see him more because he is the permanent fixture in my life and will be with me always, but my daughter will be getting married and have her own separate life and while we will be a part of that life, she is not going to live here anymore.
Then in my spirit I heard the Lord say – “Your desire shall be for your husband.” Yes, I know how the commentaries and the amateur theologians exposit this verse, but when the Author uses it to speak to you, it is better to listen to that still small voice than a hundred other opinions and dissections.
I knew God was telling me that I should desire to see and be with him more than I desired to be with my daughter, and that is true. As a wife, I need to put things in God’s perspective and begin to view my husband and I as being one flesh. We are no longer separate, but one in the eyes of God. I need to choose him over everyone else but God. My desire shall be for my husband.
If you’re married, what are some things God is teaching you about marriage–even though you’ve been “doing it for a long time”?