In the previous article, Why Does My Wife Think I Don’t Love Her?, the focal point was aimed to address triggers or warning signs to a husband that his wife is feeling insecure about her husband’s love towards her.
Now the topic turns to look at ways that a husband can help his wife work through the insecurities and the underlying question, “Does he love me?”
**Ways to Address Her Insecurities of Her Husband’s Love:
- Reassurance-In Ephesians 5 verse 25, Paul stated, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her.” Jesus continually assured people by showing his love for them through his actions, not just by his words. A wife’s insecurities will diminish when her husband presents his love to her daily.
- Simple ways may include writing a small note that simply says “I love you”, making her breakfast in bed besides on a major holiday, running her bath water, making dinner or bringing it in. The gesture does not have to be expensive or phenomenal, it’s the small tokens of love that women enjoy the most.
- During Conflict-If needing to take a break during a disagreement, a husband must first assure his wife that he loves her before either one gets some space. “95% of women said that this one step on the husband’s part would diminish or even eliminate the emotional turmoil on the wife’s part!”
- Hug Her-Men have a tendency to back off and give each other space during times of conflict. However, women in general don’t want space. They want a hug to confirm their husband’s love in spite of the anger or frustration. This simple gesture may seem contrary to what she is saying, but deep in her heart, she wants to feel her husband’s love as if he is saying, “I will protect you.”
- Listen Without Defense-A wife needs to be able to express her emotions without being criticized. If the husband takes the defensive stand to what is said, she then feels like the “bad guy” for even mentioning the concern in the first place. What she is expressing does not mean the husband is a failure nor is it meant always as criticism. Instead, she may need to process through all of her emotions first to get to the root of the issue. Therefore, listen before assuming her words are criticism and you take the defensive stand.
- Don’t Stop-Reassure Me!-“The more unloved a wife may feel, the more likely she is to push her husband away or to make it hard for him to love her.” As odd as it may sound, this reaction is a desire to be pursued. Instead of walking away and not discussing what may be bothering his wife, the husband may need to set aside his own pride or desires and pursue after what is troubling his wife. With a gentle heart, show her that you want to know what’s wrong. By the husband pursuing what is on his wife’s heart it assures her that he really does care about her.
- Persistence Pursuit-“Pursuit actively makes her feel loved.” When a husband pursues his wife through active gestures that he did when he first tried to woo her heart, it “fills up her emotional bank account.” The desire for a woman to be pursued can be equated to “the need that a man has to feel sexually desired by his wife!”
Although not every wife may fit into this picture, the majority of wives do. When Jesus showed his love, he was patient, gentle, loving, kind, generous, and he pursued those who felt unloved. As a husband, pursue your bride as Christ did the church.
“So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church.” (Ephesians 5:28-29)
**Referenced material was taken out of Chapter 2 “The Deal is Never Closed” from Shaunti and Jeff Feldhahn’s book For Men Only, a Straightforward Guide to the Inner Lives of Women.
**The husband and wife team have also authored For Women Only: What You Need to Know about the Inner Lives of Men