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Hot Pursuit: Should a Woman Pursue a Man Romantically?

Friends, a fellow TBL author asked a very important question in response to my article, 12 Tips to Help You Successfully Date as a Christian.” I felt it was such a good question that it deserved some attention given to it in an article of its own. Let’s take a look at it:

“Are they (men) looking for a woman to do something or say something to let them know we are interested in them before they take a risk to ask us out?”

There isn’t a simple answer to this or even a one-sided answer, so I’m going to take some time to look at it from both a male perspective and a biblical perspective. So let’s get Rollin’.

He Who Findeth A Wife…

Guys, it’s time to man up. From the beginning God intended for men to pursue women, and I don’t believe this has changed (Gen 2:24). And rightfully so! What woman doesn’t want to be romanced? What woman doesn’t want a knight in shining armor to show up and rescue her? Also, if you can’t take initiative in pursuing that special lady, how can she be sure you won’t take initiative in other aspects of a relationship? It’s important for a man to be strong, and this includes pursuing that special lady’s heart. Once you’ve won her heart, you get a nice bonus by obtaining the favor of the Lord (Prov 18:22).

No Risk, No Reward

Guys, what do you have to lose in pursuing that virtuous woman? For her worth is far beyond that of rubies (Prov 31:10). It’s not always easy to find that ideal woman, and sometimes we must experience rejection. However, the odds are in our favor. There are over 7.3 billion people in this world, with around half being women, and you only have to find one who thinks you’re cooler than an ice cube.

A Push Will Help The Pull

Women, this is for you. Sometimes it’s good to encourage the pursuit because some guys are shy, fearful of rejection, or maybe don’t even realize you’re available. There is also at least one biblical instance of such encouragement. This is when Naomi encouraged Ruth to pursue Boaz. The entire account can be found in Ruth 3, but I have included a portion of it below:

Ruth 3:3-4 Wash thyself therefore, and anoint thee, and put thy raiment upon thee, and get thee down to the floor: but make not thyself known unto the man, until he shall have done eating and drinking. And it shall be, when he lieth down, that thou shalt mark the place where he shall lie, and thou shalt go in, and uncover his feet, and lay thee down; and he will tell thee what thou shalt do.

Now I want you to notice something important about this scripture. Ruth did not approach Boaz and ask him out on a date. She made herself known to him and then allowed him to take the lead. This was per the instructions of Naomi, and we know it worked flawlessly. It is good to allow a man to be the initiator, but this doesn’t mean you can’t “accidentally bump into him.”

A Beautiful Pursuit

One of the greatest love stories in the Holy Bible is that of Jacob’s pursuit of a shepherd girl named Rachel. He loved her so much that he was willing to work seven years for his bride. But wait, her trickster father, Laban, didn’t make things so easy. When the wedding day arrived, Jacob ended up having to marry Leah, since she was the eldest daughter and had not yet married (Gen 29:25-26). Now, Jacob really loved Rachel, so he pressed in and worked another seven years for Laban. The bible tells us that his love for her was so great that the entire fourteen years only felt like a few days.

Gen 29:20 And Jacob served seven years for Rachel; and they seemed unto him but a few days, for the love he had to her.

One can surely presume that Jacob’s love for Rachel was pure and unwavering. For she was his first true love, and when he kissed her, it must’ve been breathtaking!

Gen 29:11 And Jacob kissed Rachel, and lifted up his voice, and wept.

Can you imagine? This was probably the first kiss for both of them and then Jacob is so smitten that he lifts up his voice and weeps. Guys, the bar has been set extremely high, so remember to go into a relationship wholeheartedly. Be that knight in shining armor who comes along and steals her heart.

Final Thought

Pursuing a relationship isn’t always an easy thing to do. However, if we follow the examples given in the Holy Bible, it is very likely that you can have a love story such as Jacob and Rachel’s. Guy’s don’t be afraid to step out in faith and pursue that available woman. If you experience rejection, then it’s time to gather yourself and move on. Women, don’t be afraid to be encouragers. Sometimes guys need a little push, and this extra effort might lead to an amazing relationship that you never would’ve experienced if you wouldn’t have made yourself just slightly vulnerable. Thank you for reading and God bless.

Psa 37:4 Delight thyself also in the LORD; and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart.

What are some ways you can express your love interest for that special someone you’ve been admiring?

About Joel Bauer

Joel M. Bauer is a 49-year-old U.S. Army Veteran from Dunn, NC, which is just outside of Raleigh. After being honorably discharged from the U.S. Army, he attended school at Taylor University, a Christian liberal arts school, in Fort Wayne, IN, where he received his BS in social work and psychology. He has worked in such places as a homeless shelter, a community based treatment center for severe mental illnesses, a school for troubled students, and other social service agencies. His current endeavor is to build The Bottom Line website into a site that inspires both Christians and non-Christians alike, and brings glory to God.

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  1. Very thoughtful article. I never noticed the verse about Jacob, wow. My mother used to say to us girls, “Easily attained, lightly esteemed.” Totally agree it is the man’s place to pursue, and the relationship prospers because of it.

    • Thanks for the kind remark Emily. Yeah, that is a pretty awesome verse about Jacob. It had to have been such an emotional moment. Someone needs to try to capture it in a movie at some point. 🙂

  2. Wonderful article! That makes sense about the difference between pursuing and the “accidental” bump lol.

    Thanks Joel!

  3. Stephanie Hanouw

    That was very well written, Joel. At first I thought it was one of our female writers posting and was delighted to see it was one of our male representatives offering such insightful instruction to the reader. Hopefully it goes to Facebook in all BOLD letters! Well done.

    • Stephanie H,

      Thanks for the encouraging words. I’m glad you liked the article. I felt it was a topic that really needed to be covered from both a male and a biblical perspective. God bless.

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