Many wives and mothers put all of their energy into their children, and then have nothing left for their spouse. This is a serious danger to a marriage, and even more so because most wives fail to notice, acknowledge, and treat this infection of the marriage relationship.
The Lord has given us all the instructions we need for living our lives God’s way, so let us look to the Scriptures for our direction on this matter. While the Bible does not lay out this hierarchy step-by-step and word-for-word, we can definitely discern our direction from what it does say.
We know God is first in our hearts and lives. We are instructed, as the greatest commandment, to “Love the LORD [our] God with all [our] heart and with all [our] soul and with all [our] strength” in Deuteronomy 6:5.
Next is our spouse. Paul’s teachings included this: “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her” (Ephesians 5:25 ESV), and “Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord (Ephesians 5:22 ESV).
As I researched while writing this article, I discovered some interesting points of view that I had never thought of, and I wanted to share them because I feel that they bring out some points to be considered. The website got Questions?org goes on to say that, logically, children are to come after the spouse in the order of relationship priority in the Christian family, which is expected, but goes on to say that next should come the parents of the married couple. They posit that parents should be next under the commandment to “honor thy father and mother,” but add that the directive tied to “children, obey your parents” found in Ephesians 6:1, is no longer in effect once children reach adulthood.
Continuing this line of reasoning further still, they next cite 1Timothy 5:8, “But if anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever,” to say that the rest of the family comes after the parents in the Christian family hierarchy, and then, after that, the family of believers.
On the Wordofhisgrace.org they agree that Scripture does not explicitly give the order of the family, but that it can be clearly deduced what God’s intentions are by following what the Bible does say about family members. Ephesians 5 is also cited as the basis for the wife’s submission to the husband “as unto the Lord” and the husband being the “head of the wife.”
What I found interesting was how they spoke about the wife’s care of the children by saying:
“If the husband is the head of the wife, then he ultimately, under Jesus Christ, has responsibility for the children. To put it another way, if the wife is under the headship of her husband, then her care for the children is really on his behalf and under his direction.”
It goes on the speak of the passage in 1 Corinthians 11 that declares that woman was made for man, and the Bible also says that the man will rule over the woman. Adam named his wife Eve (giver of life) because she was the mother of all people. Motherhood is important, but it is not above the role of wife. Ladies, do not lose the pride of being a wife and being the best wife you can be. We take such pride in being mothers and nurturing our children, which is not wrong in any way; it’s right, but it’s also right to do the same for our husbands. God made us to lighten the load of our mates. Shouldn’t we take great pride in performing that role to the best of our abilities? If not for your husband, do it for God because He made you for this purpose. Don’t despise it. If He ordained it, there is great honor in it.
How can you serve your husband as if you were serving God? In what ways are you putting your children before your spouse and what can you do to change that?