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The Cheater Who Cheats Himself

Friends, today I’m going to be very blunt with the subject at hand. If you’re a “cheater” or a victim of such a person, it is my hope to encourage you to look at this matter from a spiritual perspective. You see, cheating is no joke and even if you try to hide it from your significant other, it can’t be hidden from God (Heb 4:13). In fact, David learned this lesson very well when he committed adultery with Bathsheba (2 Sam 12:13). But there is a bright light. Even though David committed such a horrendous act, He was still known as a man after God’s own heart (Acts 13:22).

A Crime with Many Victims

If you’re a cheater, the truth is you’re also cheating yourself. You’re not only devaluing a relationship you’ve probably spent some significant time building, but you’re also creating a soul tie with the person you’re cheating with. In addition, you’ve just pulled an important foundation out of someone’s life. You see, we’re meant to encourage our mate, not pull the rug out from underneath them. Can you imagine how horrible it must feel to know you’ve been cheated on? How unfair such a crime is! It’s also an extremely selfish act, and you’re hurting someone else for your own personal satisfaction. In the end though, you’re really cheating yourself since at best the matter is going to leave a scar even if you try to patch things up. Everybody involved becomes a victim, but the cheater cheats himself the most.

The Path of God

If you’ve been cheated on, I want to provide you with some insight on how to deal with it. Although reconciliation is possible and can be a great option if the person is truly repentant; it is not the only option. God hates divorce (Mal 2:16), but He also says divorce is acceptable when marital unfaithfulness has occurred (Matt 5:31-32). Not only did God talk the talk, but He also walked the walk. The truth is, God is divorced and He chose this path when His people were unfaithful. This doesn’t mean He wouldn’t have liked to reconcile, but when the hearts of the people were so evil, this was the right choice to make.

Jer 3:8 And I saw, when for all the causes whereby backsliding Israel committed adultery I had put her away, and given her a bill of divorce; yet her treacherous sister Judah feared not, but went and played the harlot also.

Becoming a Victorious Victim

If you’ve been cheated don’t just sit back and hope you won’t be cheated on again. I tell you, put the smack down on the cheater and let them know you’re serious about leaving the relationship. Why do I say this? Because nobody deserves this. God says in his word to let no one separate what He has joined together (Mark 10:9). If your very own mate is doing this, he or she is not showing the fear of the Lord, which we know is the beginning of wisdom (Prov 9:10). If there is no wisdom, then how can you move forward?

Not only do you have a holy right to leave the relationship, if you can’t reconcile, but there are also many out there who want to have a pure relationship in the sight of the Lord. If you do decide to divorce, make sure to heal before you jump into another relationship. God loves you and wants you to be with a mate who won’t cheat!

The Identity of the Cheated

So you’ve been cheated on? There is great news for you! You are still a child of God and were made in His image. Your value should be found in Him rather than by the action of your mate. Remember, God has lifted you up to heavenly places with Christ Jesus (Eph 2:6). You are a prince or a princess, or maybe even a king or a queen. This is how God views you, and this is how you should esteem yourself. Remember, Christ-esteem instead of self-esteem!

Hope for Cheaters

Maybe you’re reading this and you’re a cheater. You also have the ability to restore things, including yourself. If you are a believer, your esteem should also be in Christ, and you need to find the fear of the Lord within yourself. If you have a feeling of regret for your actions, Go Big! Do your best to make things right and heal the relationship. Remember, all things are possible with God, and this includes fixing our relationships (Luke 1:37). Do you realize it was David and Bathsheba who birthed Solomon, who told us about the importance of having the fear of the Lord (2 Sam 12:24). The very child of the couple who are most notorious in the Holy Bible for their adulterous relationship! Yet, their child was the one who gave us an important step to wisdom and healing. To me it sounds like it was all part of God’s great design.

Final Thought

If you are a cheater, then please find it within yourself to get help. If you’ve been cheated on, remember God loves you and there is hope in Him. People make mistakes, and God knows how to help us clean them up (2 Cor 5:17, Rev 21:5). Please seek Him today if you haven’t already. He adores each one of us and wants us to have happy and successful relationships. Thank you for reading and God bless.

What are some biblical ways you can encourage yourself, or someone else, who has been cheated on?

About Joel Bauer

Joel M. Bauer is a 49-year-old U.S. Army Veteran from Dunn, NC, which is just outside of Raleigh. After being honorably discharged from the U.S. Army, he attended school at Taylor University, a Christian liberal arts school, in Fort Wayne, IN, where he received his BS in social work and psychology. He has worked in such places as a homeless shelter, a community based treatment center for severe mental illnesses, a school for troubled students, and other social service agencies. His current endeavor is to build The Bottom Line website into a site that inspires both Christians and non-Christians alike, and brings glory to God.

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  1. Interesting how this article and a few others I’ve read this week pertain to being faithful and having relationships.The article the Lord has impressed upon my heart to write for this upcoming week is also along those same lines. It never ceases to amaze me how tightly linked the writers at The Bottom Line are Spiritually. Our messages from week to week are obviously needed, and in a mighty way, because we all listen as The Spirit gives us utterance and as one team we write powerful messages that God can use to reach the lost and longing hearts out there, or encourage fellow believers. I ask for God’s blessings upon this ministry and all its writers.

  2. Tim,
    Yes, we’ve always been linked tightly together by the Holy Spirit. I actually wasn’t planning on writing on this topic this morning, then the Lord impressed upon me to write about it. I can’t wait to read your upcoming article. God bless.


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