Waiting On His Promises
Resting on my knees I began to argue with myself about simple truths and a three-lettered word. My entire life stood in the balance before me uncertain of what the future held. No longer could I continue to be the angry mother and unhappy wife that I had become. No longer could I allow myself to be the same around my family. Everything that I knew as normal was about to implode all because of three simple letters…Y…E…S.
Taking in a deep breath, filling up my lungs to the fullest, I slowly released the air all the while whispering out “Yes, Lord. I surrender. Yes. I am Yours. Please forgive me for all that I have done. I want you to be in control. I surrender it all to you. Change me. “
The second my last words were muttered, a burden like the weight of a 300 lb man had been lifted. I felt; well, light as a feather. My body suddenly had a ravaging hunger to devour anything that had to do with God and his truth. I began to listen more and more to biblical teachings online or on the radio, I tuned out my typical country station and cranked up to Christian music; my usual worldly interests became lifeless and flat as God began to transform my old perspective to a biblical one.
As time continued to tick, so did my desire for the Lord. However, there was one flaw in my simple decision. My husband did not come along with me on the journey. My joyful “Yes” created an instant spiritual wall between us. Ideas and principalities that we once agreed upon became struggles of changed perspectives. His worldly, mine Godly. What once seemed to be an equally yoked marriage became off kilter each pulling in a different direction instead of working as a team. I knew from the moment I said “Yes” to Christ the possibility of divorce could become a reality, but the desire to live eternally was stronger than my desire to die twice.
A little over seven years have passed since I rested on my knees and surrendered and not a day goes by that I would give back. A lot has happened along the way. Yes, we are still married. No, he is not walking with God, yet. Of my four kids who can talk, three have said “Yes” as well. I didn’t ask to live this life and it was by no means a life I expected to live when I said, “I do”, but God tells us that in this world we will have troubles, but we are to be joyful because he has overcome the world. (John 16:33)
I have seen little miracles burst out like fireflies on a hot summer’s night. Little glowing embers when it seems that the flames are extinguishing, but God gives me those moments to hold on to His promise to me. “Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ, and you will be saved, you and your household”(Acts 16:31). Lord, I am so grateful for your promise to me. I pray that you will use me to be a guiding light to those who too are in a similar situation. Thank you for this season that allows me to draw near to You and mold me into the loving and patient Godly woman you desire for me to become. Change me Lord. Change me.
Heart wrenching to read. Sometimes people come around, even if it’s late in life. The best thing is to continue to let them see Christ in you. Eventually they’ll hunger for that spark you have in your life that they don’t have. This may sound like an odd scripture to bring up, but what God brings to mind is Simon the Sorcerer in Acts 8. He seen the wonders of God’s chosen filling people with the Holy Spirit, and he desired this so much that he was willing to spend his money for such a Priceless Gift. Of course, Peter scolded him for offering money for this Gift, but Simon the Sorcerer still desired to have something of great spiritual worth. This just goes to show that even those heading down the wrong path can be drawn in by spiritual things.
I smiled as I read your article and as I remembered the results of my ‘yes’. Yes Lord I will sing that solo even though I am terrified, yes I will serve in the church when asked, yes, I know I need to work on my commitment to devotions and prayer. Yes. Then, in tears, I also identified with the spiritual wall within the marriage. As my faith grew deeper, the enemy’s fight to keep my husband away from my side of the wall intensified. When I realized what was going on was the moment I chose to say ‘No.’ – No, I would not allow it. (no, I did not choose to divorce). I relentlessly prayed for God to open his eyes to the truth. In the name of Jesus, I claimed victory over the enemy and all his destructive tactics. I prayed that God would allow my husband and I to serve Him in unity. The burden for my husband’s salvation grew very heavy on my heart until one night I said ‘God, even if I don’t see him find You in my lifetime, let me see him with You on the other side.’
In my spirit I heard ‘You will.’ The burden was lifted.
Many things have happened since I chose to say ‘yes’. Some unbelievably good. Some, nothing short of unbelievably horrible. We are still married, yet cannot be together. We ‘serve’ Him in unity but cannot serve Him side by side. And it was ALL worth it. God’s timing is perfect – but is rarely on our schedule. His ways are not our ways – but His promises are true. Waiting on His promises is not always easy – but it is ALWAYS well worth the wait and sacrifice.
You may of heard this saying before but for those who haven’t I will share it. A wedding was taking place and as the bride appeared when the doors swung open, all eyes were upon her. But her eyes were upon three things. The first was the Aisle that she would be walking down with her father, the next was the Altar where the vows would be said, and the last was Him; her prince in shining armor. A hope girls in their youth dream about marrying someday.
As she was walking towards him, the thought came to mind that there were some things about him that didn’t make him as princely as she would like him to be so she put all these images in her mind and came up with the solution: I’ll Alter Him!
We may laugh at this but too many times it is factual. But the plan truth is that we can’t even alter ourselves in areas where we should let alone anyone else. If we try, our efforts are in vain. This is something that has to be given to the Lord and committed to Him doing the work period. He asks for us to be obedient to His word and leave the results up to Him.
I can speak from experience because I was in the same position as the writer of this article. Getting right with God after marriage and wanting to walk with Him and my husband not being a believer. It took 11 years into our marriage when the Lord began to make this change in my husband’s life.
I would be going out on visitations through our church and when I got home my husband was upset because the pastor visited him and he thought that I was putting the pastor up to it but I wasn’t. I had no knowledge of it happening but it was the opportunity the pastor took knowing I wasn’t around.
Eventually my husband called me while at work and asked me to call the pastor and ask him to come to our home that week. He was ready to receive the Lord! What a thrill to get that phone call!
Thank you for the encouragement as well. It took me a few years to let go of trying to get him to “see the light” through my words, but it is my actions that show the most. You are right. The days are difficult, but the burden for our husband’s salvation cannot be ours alone to hold. Only God can change the heart, but we can be obedient to him through our love for Christ. Many books have also given me a new perspective including For Women Only by Shauntie Feldhahn and The Power of a Praying Wife by Stormie Omartian. The power of prayer is mighty and effective (James 5:16).