Not so long ago, I wrote an article entitled the “New Shoes Phase.” This is a fancy way to describe the fresh new feelings and adventures associated with the beginning phase of intimate relationships. But just as how shoes get old, the initial excitement in relationships will get old too. Every marriage will experience the “New Shoes Phase.” But what happens when the glitter falls off and sex is no longer the highlight? Can marriages survive without sex?
New-age Busy Couples
We are living in an era where heart-to-heart and face-to-face communication is becoming obsolete. It is the norm for working couples to see each other for less than five hours most days. The majority of their conversations happens over the phone through phone calls, text messages, or via emails. Time is becoming such an extinct commodity that no one individual gets any significant amount—be it a child or a spouse. Clearly, you can see how easy it is for career couples to exist without a healthy sex life. For many, there’s just not enough hours in the day to do it all, and then find time for sex.
Old-age (Time is all we’ve got) Couples
For seasoned senior citizen couples, who have spent decades together, a sexless marriage isn’t so daunting. In fact, a lot of these elderly marriages exist without sex. But to these couples, it’s not a bother or grounds for divorce. It’s just the way life works. One of the beauties of growing old together is being able to be at peace with just companionship. After a lifetime of fun and frolicking, both husband and wife can be contented with just being in each other company.
When both spouses in a marriage view intimacy in the same light, then I believe a marriage has the potential to survive without sex. Nevertheless, more than likely, it may be lacking in some other department such as poor communication, feelings of abandonment, lack of trust, etc. On the other hand, when it’s just one spouse running on career-adrenaline or when one spouse is significantly older than the other, or any other reasons… chances are, the marriage may not last if both husband and wife aren’t willing to make serious changes in order to make time for intimacy.
Both individuals in the marriage unit need to be considerate. God created marriage and He created us sexual beings; it’s a natural part of who we are. When there are unbalanced sexual views, trouble brews. But with God’s help and the power of love, there is hope.
“Love is patient and kind… Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.” (1 Corinthians 13:4-7)
What role do you think sex plays in marriages, other than recreation?