Remember the story of Goldilocks? She was the girl who stumbled upon three bowls of porridge; one was too hot, the other too cold, and one which was just right. Don’t be too surprised that this same description can be applied to the type of husband you are. I’ll explain. In the Bible, 1 Corinthians 11:3 identifies men as being “the head of their wives.” This form of leadership isn’t an easy task. As a result, some men will abuse such authority by becoming extremist—either extremely bad or extremely good.
If you micromanage the money your wife gets and spends, the friends she has (if any), when she goes out or come in, where she goes, and what she wears, you’re too controlling. Being a drill sergeant rather than an affectionate husband is not God’s idea of being the leader in your home. Taking away privileges or offering verbal, emotional, or physical abuse is a recipe for an unhappy home. You can still be an efficient leader while letting her have her independence and individuality. You can still be the head of your household and allow her to handle the finances if she’s better at it.
Because you’re the head of your wife, doesn’t mean you’re entitled to give her everything she wants. It’s your duty to provide her needs, but some of her wants, can be overlooked. Being a provider doesn’t mean you have to hand over your credit card to your wife for her weekly shopping sprees. It’s okay to say no sometimes, especially when you realize that it’s in the best interest of the family.
Finding a balance is what makes a husband “just right.” You know how to provide for your family and make your wife feel special. You know how to have discussions and prayers with your wife before making any major decisions. You know how to love your wife sacrificially, just as how Christ sacrificially loved the Church.
I’m pretty sure most women are seeking husbands who are just right. But these types of husbands doesn’t fall off trees or come ready-made in a supermarket. Husbands who are “just right” only exist after Jesus’ intervention. Take a look at the entire verse of 1 Corinthians 11:3,
“But I want you to understand that the head of every man is Christ, the head of a wife is her husband, and the head of Christ is God.”
Too many times husbands will misuse the biblical command for them to be the head of their wives. Even more times, they have unfair expectations of the biblical command for women to be submissive to their husbands. They tend to overlook Jesus as being the head over them as well as being the key component in the marriage union. When a husband tries to lead his wife independently of Christ’s leadership, he is bound to fail.
So, which husband are you? What makes a good husband?