“You formed my inward parts; You wove me in my mother’s womb. I will give thanks to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; (Psalm 139: 13-14).
Imperfections. That is all I used to see when I looked into the mirror: Eyebrows too thick, nose to thin, and way too many breakouts for a woman almost forty years of age. From my perspective, there was no physical beauty that could be deemed worthy enough to draw attention from a crowd or even my husband. To me, I was ugly. In junior high my classmates deemed me far from being attractive. High school was no different. There were the pretty girls and then there was me. For years, I hated looking into the mirror because I already knew what its reflection would reveal; ugliness. I was a caterpillar hidden in my cocoon to ashamed to come out.
It wasn’t until the past few years that through sleepless nights and bitter remorseful tears, a metamorphosis began to take place. A recognition that what the world had to say about my outward appearance did not matter. Instead, I began to turn my focus inwardly as I recognized that I do not serve an extrinsically focused God, but one who looks intrinsically at the heart. After all, he choses the meek, the humble, the poor, the sick, and the brokenhearted and calls them beautiful by His design.
If God can take a simple shepherd boy to destroy the enemy, I knew that he could tear down the walls of insecurity inside of me. Slowly I began to take out one wing at a time. Encouraging words from beautiful sister’s in the Lord, a shopping trip after ten years placing me a foot out of my box of fashion comfort, and spending time in His presence as he dusted off and repaired any broken spots on my wings.
Standing in front of the mirror each day, I notice the transformation from caterpillar to butterfly as I prepare to take flight into His plans for my life. No longer am I looking into my own eyes of imperfection, but into the eyes of that which the Father has created; a beautiful woman humbly transformed by God’s forgiving grace.
Wow! This piece is so relatable. I was … homely? … when I was younger. ( I still have my moments!) … I can remember on the school bus every day, I’d have my routine –I’d pray to be beautiful. I did this for the longest time, a full year for sure. I had short hair, big glasses, acne, second hand clothes … I felt like I was a nobody.
As I get older, I’m not as hard on myself and I look at my 2 daughters (who are beauties) and I pray for wisdom instead of beauty. With that wisdom, I thank God for keeping me homely when I was younger, it build character in me and made me truly realize it’s not what’s on the outside as much as what’s in a heart.
This is a great article Renee.