Christian Family: Disciplining Your Child

The young child was screaming, hollering, and  “throwing a fit” in Walmart.  My first inclination is to think, “Why doesn’t that parent control that child?”  On second thought, it comes to mind, “That child is not my child.” “I don’t know what kind of physical or mental or emotional trauma that child has experienced.”   “And, I don’t know the physical, mental, or emotional stress the parent is going through.”

But I do know there are ways to prevent that trauma.  And the answer is through Jesus Christ and His Word.

As an adult with three children aged 51 to 60, I can look back and reflect.  I have “been there and done that.”  It is easier to see my many mistakes now than it was when I was young and our three kids were young.

My goal for this article is to help young Christian parents head down the right trail in parenting.  I was far from being the perfect parent.  In retrospect, there are many things I wish I had done differently.

Ephesians 6:1-4 states clearly the family mission.  “Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right.  Honour thy father and mother; which is the first commandment with promise; That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth.  And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.”  You want your children to obey, to honor their parents, and to have a long life.  To do this, you must not provoke them to wrath and bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

Don’t provoke your child to wrath.  Don’t let your anger, impatience, and selfishness provoke your child to bitterness, anger, and a desire to pay you back for your poor behavior.  Exercise Holy Spirit self-control over your emotions and reactions.  Philippians 4:5 instructs us, “Let your moderation (gentleness) be known unto all men.  The Lord is at hand.”  Your children should be the first to experience your gentleness.  The Lord is always at hand, observing you, and He knows whether you are applying Christlikeness in your character toward your children.

Your goal should be to raise your children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.  Nurture in the training of a child includes instruction, discipline, correction, or chastening.  Admonition is the “putting in mind” of the teachings of the Lord.  The word discipline is closely tied to a sound mind.  (2 Timothy 1:7).  All of this can be connected to the idea of discipling, much as you would disciple a new believer.   But in this case, the disciple, the learner, the follower is your child.  A disciple becomes known as an imitator of their teacher.  So, as you “disciple” your child, you are training him to be a follower of you because you are a follower of Jesus Christ.  Your end goal should be to develop Christlikeness in your child,

What is your family plan for child discipline?  A husband and wife should discuss ahead of time how to discipline so that when the need for discipline comes, they are ready, not reacting.  Parents should agree on a consistent discipline approach to prevent their child from playing one parent against the other.  The child should always know that if Mom or Dad said it, that settles it.

Parents should give their children clear ground rules concerning what is and is not appropriate behavior.  And these rules might be different for children of various ages.  When misbehavior occurs, it should be met with immediate (in most cases) appropriate discipline.  “The rod and reproof give wisdom: but a child left to himself bringeth his mother to shame.”  “Correct thy son, and he shall give thee rest; yea, he shall give delight unto thy soul.” (Proverbs 29:15,17)

It is essential that if you tell your child there will be discipline for an offense, that you follow through.  Countless times, I have heard parents say to their child, “If you do that again, I will spank you (or stand you in a corner, or a time-out, or whatever).”  Then the parent fails to follow through, and the process is repeated many times.  The child learns that you don’t truly mean it, and then continues  with the misbehavior.   You have shown your child that your word is not trustworthy.

The importance of timely discipline is evident from a verse intended for adults, but it also applies to children.  “Because sentence against an evil work is not executed speedily, therefore the heart of the sons of men is fully set in them to do evil.” (Ecclesiastes 8:11).

The child should learn to obey immediately.  It could mean the difference between life and death for that child.  A child may not always understand why he shouldn’t do something, but he needs to obey.  To illustrate:  suppose you live on a busy street and traffic is dangerous.  Your child starts running toward the street.  You shout “STOP.”  If you have taught him to obey immediately, he will stop.  If not,  he may die within seconds.  This principle would also apply to my illustration about the temper-tantrum child in the store.  If parents train their child to obey at home, control their temper, and be quiet when directed, they will generally not have the problem out in public.

The question always comes up: What about spanking?  The Bible never condones abusing a child, but it does advocate spanking.  Here are two verses on the subject

“Chasten thy son while there is hope, and let not thy soul spare for his crying.” (Proverbs  19:18)

“Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him.” (Proverbs 22:15).  Here is a poster I have often seen on Facebook.

While the Bible does not command using spanking as the only method of child discipline, it certainly gives the expectation of good results.  Every child is different and may require diverse methods.  Some parents use a time-out, stand-in-the-corner, take away privileges, etc.  The parents should agree ahead of time as to the method(s) they will use.  Then you must be consistent and follow through every time the offenses occur.

Discipline is not intended to be pleasant.  Hebrews 12:11 states the opposite.  “Now no chastening for the present seemeth to be joyous, but grievous: nevertheless afterward it yieldeth the peaceable fruit of righteousness unto them which are exercised thereby.”

Discipline from God for a child of God is always out of love.  That should also be true of a Christian parent and child.  Discipline out of love, not anger or frustration.  Think and remember the many times you have failed or been disobedient.  Translate this thought into patience with your child.  Talk kindly to your child.   Help them understand that you love them, even when they are disobedient.  Encourage them continually toward a Christlike character.

The rewards will be great.  “A wise son maketh a glad father.  (Proverbs 10:1).  “Afterward it yieldeth the  peaceable fruit of righteousness.” (Hebrews 12:11).

For Further Study on planning and practicing child discipline, click the links:
How to Discipline Children with Love.
How should Christians discipline their children?