The Test Of Spiritual Maturity In Conversations

A counselor once told me that as important are the issues of life and family, what is more important is how we talk about them. In this article I want to focus on verbal battles in relationships, be it husband and wife or relationships outside of the home. Things can go smoothly for a long time with no verbal battles until something is said that really upsets the other person. Recently, I ended up on the receiving end of a very angry outburst because of something I said. There was the potential for a war of words. I found myself in a time  of testing.

How I reacted or responded would determine whether I passed the test – the test of my spiritual growth and maturity. Would I be better in dealing with it than the last time I had a similar situation? It would be a battle between my old nature of the flesh and my new nature in Christ. Which is winning would become readily evident in the words used, the tone of voice, yelling or calmness, name calling, accusations, and anything else that could escalate or de-escalate the situation. Perhaps God permitted this to happen as a test to see if I had matured more since the last time this kind of thing happened.

If we react to another person ‘s angry outbursts with some or all of the things listed above, we are reacting to the other person according to the flesh. However, if we respond back to them in a calm way under the control of the Holy Spirit, we are responding with our new nature. If the old nature wins, we have failed the test. If our new nature wins, we have passed the test.

Even though we may do something to really upset another person, a godly response if we are on the receiving end of their anger is given in Colossians 3:12-13. “Put on as God‘s chosen ones, holy beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another…”. If we respond in this manner we will have passed the test. The purpose of testing with another person in this situation or any difficult person is to help us to see how much we have grown in our emotional stability and in our spiritual maturity. We can take it even one step further in the words of Ephesians 4:29. “ Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouth, but only such as is good for building up as fits the occasion that it may give grace to those who hear.”

Now here are four tips we can all practice in having constructive conversations with anyone, but especially in situations like those mentioned in this article.

Never say, “you always…”. (fill in the blank) That is a generalization.

Ask the other person how they feel about the situation or about what you said.

Listen to understand.

Look beyond their hurt to see their need.

In case you are wondering how I did in my situation; I give myself a C+. I still have some maturing to do.

How about you? How would you rate yourself in similar situations?