Many will be quick to offer comfort to hurting couples with these three words: “All couples argue.” But how much arguing is too much? And is it healthy? Fact: every relationship will at some point experience occasional conflict. It’ll happen inevitably since we are entitled to our opinion, and God had blessed us with the gift of free will. Hence, we will not always see eye-to-eye, and this will result in differences leading to conflicts. This is normal. However, not all conflicts have to end in an argument.
It is not healthy for couples to be constantly bickering and fighting. Fighting in this context is described as intense anger and arguing. If this happens repeatedly, something is terribly wrong. Contrary to popular beliefs, not all marriages are made up of spouses who frequently fight. Intimate relationships do exist where couples resolve their conflicts without always arguing. A union characterized by regular arguments, with little breaks in between, means there is a breakdown in the communication process—which may be an indication that there are deeper underlying issues.
Arguing is stressful. It has the potential to deplete all your energy and leave you feeling drained. Not only that, stress hormones speed up the heart rate and increase your blood pressure. When this happens regularly, your heart, blood vessels, and nerves are all at risk. Save your health by learning how to effectively handle conflicts.
Reduce Arguments by…
Calming Down: Before attempting any resolution strategies, the first thing couples need to do is calm down. Emotions get in the way of sound judgement. Relax and start the discussion with a level head.
Listening: A one-sided dialogue will only cause tempers to flair. Spouses have to be willing to stop talking and listen to each other.
Talking Cooperatively: This involves the couple and God. When all three cooperate, this leads to collaborative partnering which will result in effective problem-solving.
Taking Responsibility for Your Actions: Never be too proud to admit when you’re wrong or to apologize. Always own up to your actions and avoid being critical.
Nurturing a Zero-fighting Policy Environment: Be understanding and forgiving. Differences can be handled without arguing. Instead, use meaningful dialogue that will result in a win-win outcome.
Fighting implies that there is a winner and a loser. Therefore, always aim to resolve conflicts without arguments. Marriage works best when spouses attack the problem and not each other, this will ensure a win-win situation for both parties. Remember, conflicts are natural, but too much arguing damages relationships.
“A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger.” (Proverbs 15:1)
What would you recommend for couples who constantly argues?