Christian Family: Prepare

Many couples spend more time planning their wedding than planning their marriage. In today’s rush-rush schedule, we spend a lot of time planning our vacation, our fishing trip, our career, or whatever, but don’t plan and prepare for the most important, life-changing event ever: your marriage. Parents sometimes finance their child’s wedding and honeymoon. A beautiful wedding and expensive honeymoon are sad if the young couple cannot afford to rent their own apartment.

Today, I would like to discuss spiritual and practical preparation for marriage and family. If you are already married and now have decided to build a Christian family, you need to begin your own crash course on marriage and family.

There are no perfect couples or perfect husbands or wives. Probably the most godly couple and family you know did not discuss and do all the things I am suggesting in this article. However, there are many specific commands you should follow and suggestions you can utilize. You can set family goals and work on developing your own godly, Christian family.

Here are some critical Biblical principles to follow:

Christians should only marry Christians. Not just a nominal Christian, but rather a born-again, committed Christian. “Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers.”  (2 Corinthians 6:14-16) Don’t start your marriage with the guaranteed division that comes with a married believer and an unbeliever.

Understand that marriage is permanent. You don’t try it out for a while, and then if it doesn’t work, separate, or get a divorce. Jesus’ teaching was unambiguous. “Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female, And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh? Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder. They say unto him, Why did Moses then command to give a writing of divorcement, and to put her away? He saith unto them, Moses because of the hardness of your hearts suffered you to put away your wives: but from the beginning it was not so.” (Matthew 19:4-8). Divorce is not an option.

Commit to Purity. There is no room for infidelity before or after marriage. Paul summarized this thought succinctly. “For this is the will of God, even your sanctification, that ye should abstain from fornication: That every one of you should know how to possess his vessel in sanctification and honour; Not in the lust of concupiscence, even as the Gentiles which know not God:” (1 Thessalonians 4:3-5). Christians who give in to sexual impurity hurt themselves and their children. They also bring dishonor to the name of the Lord.

Learn to communicate. “Can two walk together except they be agreed” (Amos 3:3)? Talk about your convictions about love, money, children, child discipline, church, Christian service, relations with each other’s family. Talk about how you will resolve disagreements. Discuss your childhood years and how your parents raised you. What are your feelings and convictions about current issues? Learn to listen to each other. If you are doing most of the talking and your partner can only listen quietly, that’s a huge warning sign. Learn to listen. If you are considering marriage, it is essential to have fun together during the courting process, but it is also crucial to discuss and work through these issues.

What about submission? Over the years, I have heard husbands say, “I’m the head of this home. I determine what goes on in my home.”  That kind of husband thinks he is right, AND maybe he is IF HE IS A GODLY HUSBAND OBEDIENT TO THE LORD.

The word submit means to “rank under.”  A sergeant has authority and ranks over a private. However, that does not make him a superior person to the private. In the Christian realm, God gives the ranking. “The head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God. (1 Corinthians 11:3). The best way for a man to have a submissive wife is for him to be submissive to Christ. In the ranking of God, the Christian man is to be submissive to those in government authority (Romans 13:1, 3-4); to those in church authority (Hebrews 13:7); to the elderly (1 Peter 5:5); and to one another in the church (1 Peter 5:5). This same Scripture says we are to be clothed with humility. He is to dwell with his wife according to knowledge (he knows her character, likes, dislikes, and her physical abilities compared to his own), and he is to give honor to his wife. (1  Peter 3:7).

The husband is to love his wife as Christ loved the church and gave himself for it. He is to love his wife as his own body. (Ephesians 5:28-29).

Husbands, if you fulfill your responsibilities of submission and love, then you can expect your wife to be submissive to you. You won’t have to demand submission. She will submit willingly because she loves you.

Wives, be submissive. Take your responsibility seriously, love your husband, love your children, be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to your own husband. (Titus 2:4-5). 1 Peter 3:3-4 cautions the wife. It is not your beautiful hair, clothes, or jewelry that make you an attractive wife. It is the hidden man of the heart and the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit. “Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel; But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price.”

Proverbs 31:10-31 describes a godly, virtuous wife. She is a model example for the 21^st-century wife to follow. The husband should note that this woman makes wise financial decisions. She speaks wisely and kindly. She takes care of her family. “Favor is deceitful and beauty is vain, but a woman that feareth the Lord, she shall be praised.”  (Proverbs 31:30).

Is a lifetime of happy marriage and family life worthy of your preparation time? It is. So, now is the time to get started.

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